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Granny...Part II...A Cherry Fork Road Memory

..."Mom?"

"What did you say," Granny asked with a questioning look.

"Did Diddy (my dad) ever tell you about the world's longest fart?"

Without even hearing a word of the story, granny's shoulders started to shake, a grin spread across her face, and looking toward my dad, "No, I don't think he did."

"A few weeks ago, in through there, we had went over to John's and I had got my usual, the Rainbow trout. Lora, didn't you get the Ribeye? Well, the lady said they had a new cook and instead of having, in through there, the usual green bean almondine with the trout, in through there, they was trying to make things healthier and cooked broccoli with it. It was all right, in through there, and I also had some of the new chili. Lora, did you get some of the chili?"

"Yes, I had the Ribeye and tried the soup too. I think that was the problem."

"Right. It wasn't too long and I started to get the belly ache. You know I got that trick stomach, in through there, and I told mom I wasn't feelin' too good."

"He wasn't feeling too good," mom said in agreement. "I wasn't feelin too good, myself. Tell her what happened."

Dad, never needing any sort of encouragement to tell a story continued. "I told Lora here to pay the bill and I needed to get home. Fast. I made it outside, in through there, and I passed gas the entire walk to the truck; must've been almost twenty steps."

At that last comment, Granny lost it. She snorted, tears were rolling down her cheeks, her small body was shaking and she started gasping for breath. She was tickled. "Oh, my goodness," she gasped. "Stop it. You're slaying me."

"Mom wasn't far behind me and she walked right through it. It stunk bad, too. She walked right through it and I don't know if it was from my stink, in through there, or the chili, because she threw up all over the side of the truck."

Granny squealed with laughter and started slapping her knee, "Oh, my goodness, you didn't throw up, too, did you?"

"How'd you know? I got one whiff of that and up come the trout. Made me madder than hell, too. Pay good money for food and then throw it all up."

"I don't think we'll be going to John's for a while."

"Unless they fire that guy and bring back the other one," Dad said. "We must've got the food poisoning or something. I don't know, but that sure was some fart."

And with that statement, we all started laughing again, led by Granny, all 4'10" of her leading the way.

Rest in peace. You are deeply missed.
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Anonymous said…
My husband would absolutely love this story! :)
September 4, 2012 at 12:17 PM
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